Home Alone
by Marie Scott
Summary: Brad leaves to do...something somewhere else...Farf, Schu and Nagi are left on their own accord, what follows is just stupid madness


Topic: "Home alone".

Farf: I don't think I've taken a shower this week.

Schu: (Raising an eyebrow and taking his gaze off of the big screen TV) Ew, man, why the hell did you have to tell me that?

Farf: Cause your sitting next to me.

Schu: (Opens his mouth to say something, looks down and jumps away from Farfarello, making gagging noised and running around the room, frantically trying to wipe off the "Farf germs")

Nagi: (Walking in from the kitchen, looking at Schu and stopping) Did Schu take some of your pain killers again, Farfie?

Farf: (Shrug) I smell.

Nagi: (Frowning) Wonderful.

Nagi plops down on the other side of the room on the floor, watching Schu run around the couch once, twice, three times…

Farf: (Sighing) Is Brad home yet?

Nagi: (Munching on popcorn) He left two minutes ago. (Spewing little chunks of popcorn onto the floor.)

Farf: UGH what do we dooooo till he comes back?!

Schu stopped and dramatically collapsed on the floor, breathing hard. 

Nagi: (Ignoring Schu's plea for attention) Well…I was thinking that I would go online, ya know…hack into some ISP's and you and Schu can be retarded and do really lame shit…

Farf: I'm not retarded! (Pout) I'm just misunderstood.

Nagi: Oh definitely, so the time when you tried to turn my room into a swimming pool…was just…you being "misunderstood" I see…

Farf: (Crossing his hands over his chest) Hmmph…your just grumpy cause you look like a big _thumb _in a bathing suit. I look NIIIICE in a bathing suit.

Nagi: oooook…I'm going to go to my room now. Bother me and you die.

Nagi picked up the bowl of popcorn and started down the hallway to his room.

Farf: Hey! I want some popcorn!

Nagi: Make your own, they're all mine. Mwahaha!!

Schu, still breathing a little too hard, crawled up onto the couch.

Schu: (Huff) I think he's turning (Huff) into another Brad. 

Farf: Yeeiiish…that's the last thing we need in the house, another guy with a telephone pole stuck up his ass. 

Schu: (Raising an eyebrow, joking) Are you calling yourself a telephone pole? 

Farf: (Jaw dropped open) WHAT?! HUUUMMPH!

Schu: Humph yourself.

They sat there for a few more minutes, both trying to think of something smart to say to the other. The best thing they got was Farf calling Schu a "stupid stupid-head."

Schu: Are you serious…my elbow could think of something better than _that_!

Farf: (Loss for words) Well..I just…..don't…..uh…like you! (wrinkling up his face) leave me alone!

More time passes, Schu slumps down in his chair, mumbling to himself that he's too bored to even move. Farfarello is holding up knives, examining each one and testing the sharpness on his skin. 

Farf: I'm bored.

Schu: Woo-freaken-Hoo, (Stomach growling) D'ya eat yet?

Farf: Yuppers.

Schu: (Sitting up) What's did you eat? There's nothing in the house.

Farf: I ate this stuff in a can.

Schu: (Confused) Oh.

Farf: I want to make some trouble. (Drops his knives and snickers like a child)

Schu: (Perks up) That actually sounds like a good idea! Go get Nagi!

Twenty minutes later, the three are standing outside the "Kitty in the House" Weiss's store/house.

Nagi: I have a bad feeling about this.

Schu: (Smacks Nagi in the back of the head for being so loud) SHHH! The whole point of his is to SNEAK into the house…not TELL them were coming! Jeesh!

Inside the Flower shop-

Omi: (Typing away at his computer) Did you guys here that?

Youji: (Combing his hair and making kiss-y faces at himself in the mirror) Hear what?

Omi: That.

Youji listens but hears nothing. 

Youji: (Stupidly) Nope. (Goes back to his hair) 

Outside-

Farf: Ok this is the plan.

Schu: What?! I came up with the plan!

Farf: Nu uh! Its MY plan (Pushes Schu away and clears his throat) Ok…this is what were going to do.

Schu: (Smacks Farf in the back of the head, whispering as loud as he can) MYYY PLAN!

Nagi: (Wide eyes) Its BOTH your plans. Now just tell me!

Inside the Flower shop-

Omi: (Stopping typing on his computer) Now I definitely heard something this time. (Getting up and looking out the window) Did you hear it Youji?

Youji: (Putting on Raspberry melon lotion, listening.) Nope.

Outside- 

Farf: Oh NO! the blonde child sees us! ( Frantically pointing at the shop window and running into the bushes)

Schu +Nagi: Eek! (Run after him.)

They dived into a patch of bushes on the left side of the shop and wait.

Schu: I don't think he saw us.

Nagi: Me either…I think he just…

Suddenly both of them hear kind of a rasping noise, and look at Farf, who's covering his mouth and trying not to laugh.

Nagi: Farf: Are you ok?

Farf keeps laughing and suddenly Schu understands what's going to happen.

Schu: (Dramatically) RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!

As Schu leaps out with Nagi a huge PFFFFFFFFFFFT! Explodes from behind the bushes.

Inside-

Omi: (Looking up for the third time) Now tell me what the hell that sound was?

Youji: (Plucking his eyebrows and putting on lip balm) Sounded like that time when your shoe made that really embarrassing sound and it sounded like you…

Outside:

Nagi: FARTED?! 

Schu: (Panting, putting his hand on the young boys head) I (Huff) saved your (Huff) life.

Nagi: Uhh…thanks (Swatting Schu's hand away) Is Farf alright? Did he like disintegrate or blow up or something?

Schu: I don't (Huff) know…

Farf: (Crawling out of the bushes as though he's in pain, holding his nose) Helllllp meeeee! (reaching out his free hand) 

Schu: (Eyes wide) Don't touch him! RUN AWAY!

Farf: (Gasping for air, reaching out to Nagi) I caaaaant brrrreeath! 

Inside-

Aya: (Walking into the room and looking at) I thought I heard….(Gasping as he saw Youji with a green face mask on)

Youji: Its for clarifying your pores!

Omi: (Ignoring Youji) Yeah…I heard something before.

Ken: (Following Aya) it sounded like a….(Seeing Youji) AAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE! (Jumping up into Aya's arms.)

Aya: (Dropping him, saying it all serious) Get your weapons!

Youji: Uhh…Aya…I can't…this is supposed to stay on for a minimum of 10 minutes to completely clean out stubborn black heads and….

Aya: NOW!

Youji: (Defeated, saying quickly) Ok.

Omi, Ken and Aya race downstairs to the lower level of the shop and peer outside. 

Omi: I don't see anything.

Youji clunks down the stairs, pouting, then looks out also, seeing nothing but darkness. 

Youji: (Whining) That stuff was 12.99 for an ounce at Bath and Body Works…you just made me waste it! 

Aya: Hush!

Youji: Well excuuuse me!

Aya: (Turning around to see his group) Ok this is what we do. Me and Ken run this way around the house (Pointing left) You (Motioning to Youji) and Omi go that way (Motioning towards the right) Got it! What we need to do is scare whoever is out there out…

Youji: (Clearing his throat and speaking up) Uh…how exactly do we do that?

Aya: (Looking at the blond stupidly) I don't know! Run around as fast as you can around the house…scream or curse or something! 

Youji: Eh…I don't curse…that much.

Aya: (Glaring) Well TRY!

With that, Aya ran out of the store and pulled Ken behind him screaming and cursing and making as much noise as he could to scare whoever was sneaking around the house. 

Aya: AHHHHH! GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKERS….

Ken: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR FUCKEN HEART OUT YOU COCK SUCKER.

Omi: (Shaking his head, ashamed) We live in a neighborhood with children…(Running out of the store and grabbing Youji)

Omi: SHOW YOUR FACE YOU FUCK!

Youji: Omi!

Omi: (Turning back and blushing) 

Youji: (Taking a deep breath.) I AM INSANE WITH ANGER! I AM MAD!!

Omi: (Raising eye brows at Youji)

Farf: (Recovering from his "near death" experience) Thanks for helping me guys.

Schu: I didn't have a gas mask on…helping you would have risked too much. 

Suddenly they hear the mean screams of which could only be Aya and Ken. The three look at each other and jumped to their feet, running the other way around the house. 

Schu: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Nagi: So much for being quiet! AHHHHHHH!

Farf: (Stumbling) Stomach (Burp) feels (Buuuurp) Funny!

Schu: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Run Farf! Run!

Nagi: HEY! Stop there's someone comin…..OMMMPPPHHH

Nagi slams into Omi, Schu into Youji. Farf, a far distance back, has ample time to stop, but keeps running until he trips on the other four. He makes a little squeaking sound when he lands on the ground, like a water balloon being dropped but doesn't break.

Schu: (Rubbing his head and squinting at the people he ran into) YOUJI! OMI!

Youji: (Standing up) SCHULDICH! NAGI! Er uh…(Looks at Farf) ...freaky moaning….guy. 

Nagi: (Softly) Farfarello.

Omi: What are you guys doing here. (Giving them the "eye")

Schu: (Whistling, looking down at his feet, seeing a firefly light up on his shoe) Collecting bugs. (Slaps himself mentally for thinking that)

Nagi: Wha…?!

Youji: (looks at Nagi suspiciously) 

Nagi: I mean…BUGS! I loooooove bugs…don't you Farf? (Smiling hard, eyes squinted closed…opens one eye to look at Farf who's still on the ground) Farf?

Omi: Is he dead? (Poking the Irishman with a stick he found on the ground) 

Schu: (Annoyed) Give me that!

Then they hear the angry cries of Aya and Ken.

Nagi: (Hugging the closest person to him) AHHHHH! (seeing that its Omi, jerks away) Uuugggghhhh.

Aya appears, tired and panting. They can still hear Ken running behind him.

Aya: (Drawing katana, all stern-like) Schuldich! Nagi! Umm….other….uh…guy.

Nagi: (Annoyed) Farfarello!

Farf is still on the ground, a bubbly acidy sound comes from his stomach. Then Ken runs up behind Aya, claws drawn.

Ken: Schuldich! Nagi!…uhhh….

Nagi: ENOUGH! 

They all look at him.

Nagi: Heh heh…woops. Heh. Heh. 

Aya: (Clearing his throat) What are you doing here?!

Schu: What are YOU doing here?

Aya: We live here!!

Schu: (Nervous at the sight of Aya's katana) Uh…

Farfarello moans, the bubbly noise comes up from his stomach again.

Youji: (Ignoring it) I can't even see out here, its so dark. (Reaching into his pocket and bringing out a lighter, striking it with his thumb) That's muuuch better.

Aya: (Unconcerned with the darkness) I'll say it one more time, what are you doing here?

Nagi: (Gulping) Well you see…Farfarello was…

Schu: (Filling in) …Sick.

Nagi: (Grateful and nodding) Yes! Sick. So we were going to go to the store to get him…

Schu: A cold compress.

Nagi: (Looking at him strangely) Uh yeah…but on the way we got a little side tracked because of…

Schu: …A traveling circus. 

Nagi: (Glaring) Uh…not 

Schu: …really.

Nagi: (Annoyed) What is this MAD LIBS! Stop…

Schu: …interrupting me…

Nagi: (Steaming) Schu I said…

Schu:….stop it.

Nagi: That's it.

Nagi lunged at Schu and started beating him over the head with his shoe. 

Suddenly Farf started his muffled raspy laughter. Weiss looked surprised, and Youji, with the lighter, bend down to shed some light on what he was doing.

Nagi: (Looking from the lighter, to Farf…to the lighter…to Farf)

Schu: (Realizing that Nagi had stopped beating him…followed the little ones gaze) 

Nagi: (Slow motion…looong low voice…) N…O…O…O…O…O…O!

Inside the Schwarz house a grumbling Brad Crawford walks into the house. Stops by the frigate. 

Brad: Damn who ate that gallon tub of pork and beans? 

THE END.


End file.
